My Guardian Angel

If memory serves correct, the last time I published anything I told you that I would get to all the positives later. The person who saved me, tales from the boarding house, etc. But then I realised, the good stuff is here now. It is happening now. Why not capture it first and then reflect of where you have come from? Surely that will make you happier.

So that is exactly what I have decided to do.

Today's post is going to be about my saving grace, a woman whom I have formed a unique bond with. I call her Mum and she introduces me as her daughter. We are not biologically related, but to us, DNA means nothing.

This woman, (let's call her 'J'), is my 'light at the end of the tunnel'. She is my silver lining. She makes me smile, she makes me laugh. She makes me feel safe.

As a child who grew up in an unpredictable environment, I seemingly felt unsafe. Go figure! What I didn't realise until quite recently is that I am still terrified at times of going "home". This revelation shook me to the core. I spent many hours contemplating said revelation and what it meant for my future.

And then I did what I always do when I feel down; I called 'J'. Within minutes I was laughing and had practically forgotten about my earlier worries.

Speaking to her reminded me that, no matter what, I always have at least one person who has my back. She does not judge me. Her love is unwavering. It is not affected by how much liquor she has consumed nor how much or little sleep she has had. She always greets people with open arms. Sometimes I am gob-smacked to realise that we have only really been close since Christmas. I am constantly amazed at how much difference a change of situation and someone who loves you can make.

I don't know what I did before 'J'. I meant, I know that I told myself that I did not need this kind of relationship. I told myself that I was strong and could take on life by myself. I convinced myself that, in order to prove my own strength to myself, I had to go at it alone. But once I met 'J' (not for the first time), there was no turning back.

I instantly felt better. During the holidays I had a reason to get up. I had a reason to get dressed, eat, shower and everything else that I hadn't been able to do previously.

I found myself waking up absurdly early to go and help feed the myriad of animals on her farm, begging my father to drop me off at her driveway before he drove to work.

I am so lucky that we live only 2km away. If my parents refuse to drive me down it is easy enough for me to walk there, or quick enough that I can just call 'J' and ask her to come and get me.

At Easter time this year, my mother and I had a fight. One of the more serious ones that we have had. I had been home from boarding school for just under four hours and already I was at breaking point.

I didn't know what to do. I picked up the phone, dialled a number that I knew all too well and asked if I could spend the night.

Five days later I returned to the house that I share with my brother and parents. My "home". In reality, I was leaving my true home to go to my house. Where my bed is, where my biological family live is not home. Not yet anyway. Currently, it is just a building filled with furniture and people. It is sterile. It is tense. It is NOT my home. My home is where my heart is. My heart is with 'J' and the gorgeous property she runs with her husband, boys, parents and friends. I am honoured to say that I am part of this family.

With nothing else to say right now I bid you adieu but please, don't hesitate to contact me with feedback and remember that a simple gesture (e.g. a smile) can brighten someone's entire day!

Much love,

Scottie xx

Hi. I'm Laura Scott!

Hi Everyone,
I am the teenage daughter of a "recovering" alcoholic so before I even start I want to warn you that this blog will not be as bright and shiny as others may be. I am into the truth; the whole truth! So that is what I will be sharing.
About two years ago I figured out that my mother is an alcoholic. My father and I were talking (well, I was talking and he was listening) and topics were changing rapidly. Somehow we began discussing how she always seems to experience weird "moods". We then moved on to her O.C.D. tendencies before I made a fleeting comment about her breath always smelling of coffee and alcohol. I continued with my rant for another five or six seconds before I stopped. Something just seemed to click.
"Does Mum have a problem with alcohol?" I asked.
"Yes," came his simple response.
From that moment forward my perspective was changed. Every moment that I had experienced, every lesson that I had learned was re-evaluated. It was not a conscious decision at the time but rather something that just seemed to come naturally. My entire perception of my world was shattered and I had no-one to help me pick up the pieces (or at least that's what I thought but I'll get to that later).
From that point on, my life spiralled out of control. I slipped into a deep depression, which I did not manage to get out of until relatively recently. I was self-harming and suicidal.
It was not until my mother got better that I could, or at least that was what I was told. As I was writing the last sentence, I realised what a massive influence that one statement made on my life. I thought that I had to wait until my mother pulled herself out of the clutches of Hell before I could do so.
Over a six month period I spent nearly 23 hours a day in my room, the remaining hour being split between the toilet and the fridge (the former being the main culprit). I barely ate, showered about once a week, and slept for upwards of fifteen hours a day before staying awake for days on end. I did not go to school, work or even family dinners.
However my mother persisted, seemingly unable to grow a set and help me. Try as she might to make amends, all of her words fell on deaf ears as she continued to drink and bully.
Then, one night in a fit of inspiration, I researched boarding schools in the main city in my state. Since then, my life has changed dramatically but, before I get to that, I have some more tales to regale you all with.
Until then, please leave me a message (only nice of course) and let me know what you thought! J